


with reverence

by nobrainjustchiakienstar



Series: alkurei shorts [3]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Extended Metaphors, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25136767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobrainjustchiakienstar/pseuds/nobrainjustchiakienstar
Summary: He chants his name like a curse, spits it like it stings, sings it with a reverence reserved for saints.Kazehaya Tatsumi, Kazehaya Tatsumi.
Relationships: HiMERU/Kazehaya Tatsumi
Series: alkurei shorts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822093
Comments: 13
Kudos: 39





	with reverence

**Author's Note:**

> i'm acting up, hbd himeru
> 
> (btw i'll come back and edit whenever the himeru name thing is cleared up. who knows what's happening honestly)

He mutters his name bitterly, as if the syllables sting his tongue with a sour flavor no amount of breath mints can smother.

_Kazehaya Tatsumi, Kazehaya Tatsumi._

Tatsumi takes it every time, seeming smug in his saintly persona and smiling down at the imposter -- a sinner for doing so, surely, despite the necessity to salvage HiMERU’s pride. Staring up at him on stage makes Kaname’s throat burn with an unpleasant taste he can’t swallow down.

So he spits his name with a venom rivaled only by desert snakes, half-hoping the words will poison his source of anguish and expunge the toxin from his tongue for good.

_Kazehaya Tatsumi, Kazehaya Tatsumi._

Yet Tatsumi never flinches, instead looking back at him with an expression akin to pity, but perhaps Kaname can hope it’s regret. He’d get some peace of mind if it was some kind of repentance for all of the hells Tatsumi wrought, well-intentions be damned.

He chants his name like a curse, a spell newly-written but a magic long-forgotten, malice escaping his lips in a haze sure to taint even the purest of saint wannabes.

_Kazehaya Tatsumi, Kazehaya Tatsumi._

Ingrained in his memories, his brother -- the real HiMERU, the one truly deserving to bear the name, if only it weren’t for _him_ \-- sighs the name like he can’t get enough of the feeling, like it’s a drug and the name leaving his lips like an exhalation of smoke gives him a high he’d rather die than quit chasing.

The secondhand exposure only makes Kaname’s mind hazy and unfocused, yet he finds himself nursing an addiction to it as well.

_Kazehaya Tatsumi, Kazehaya Tatsumi._

His brother’s voice cracks with a pain that leaves permanent scars on Kaname’s very soul, caused by a careless revolutionary paying no heed to those in his warpath, the name whispered like a dying wish cutting deeper than any blade. Perhaps living with the wounds and vowing revenge is all Kaname -- no, HiMERU -- can do.

Yet hearing the bastard priest call him by his brother’s alias with a tenderness reserved for lovers makes HiMERU’s resolve falter.

_HiMERU-san, HiMERU-san._

His blood still boils under the surface, and though it’s a steady heat that warms him from the inside now, it threatens to spill over and douse the flame beneath.

Tatsumi says his false name like it’s candy, an antidote, a blessing; Kaname knows it’s nothing but a placebo, a band-aid on a severed limb. But just like a sugar pill to deceive him into kicking a habit, it’s inoffensive to his mind after a while, almost pleasant to consume.

_HiMERU-san, HiMERU-san._

He doesn’t forgive Tatsumi, he probably never will, but Tatsumi’s name in his mind and on his tongue stops sounding like something vile after a while, instead becoming a guilty indulgence.

Kaname sings the name against its owner’s lips with a reverence reserved for saints -- though Tatsumi is far from the image of a holy man now -- the lilting melody turning broken and staccato when Tatsumi demands a new time signature. Even when Kaname’s vocal cords grow sore from the strain, the name echoes in the minimal space between them, a song only meant to be shared between its composer and his muse.

_Tatsumi, Tatsumi._

There’s a nagging guilt in the back of Kaname’s mind, wondering if Tatsumi knows he’s not the HiMERU he thinks is something precious. He wonders if Tatsumi would confess and repent for his sins if he knew, or if he would grow to hold the same contempt for HiMERU as Kaname once held for Tatsumi, calling him a fraud and condemning him to a thousand lifetimes in hell for deception.

Kaname feels dirty and wretched for believing, even just for a second, that Tatsumi would utter his name like he does for the real HiMERU.

But Tatsumi whispers his name like it’s a secret no one but the two of them can know, as if saying it too loud is a sin he’s hiding from God himself.

_Kaname._

**Author's Note:**

> stan crazy:b
> 
> i just cranked this out in like an hour and i can feel my brain wrinkling again and hhhhh
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/shiinyniki)


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